Gay Marriage Ceremony
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The Rev. Dr. Daniel O’Connell, Lead Minister, married Sally Nelson and Lesley Proud, a same-sex couple, at Eliot Unitarian Chapel in Kirkwood, Missouri at 3:00pm on Saturday, March 27, 2004 . Sally Nelson (50) and Lesley Proud (55) have been in a committed relationship for 15 years. They live in Creve Coeur, MO and have two sons, Casey (18), and Patrick (21). Sally and Lesley met while in management positions at SBC in St. Louis. Eight years ago they left corporate life to start a catering business. Dr. O’Connell conducted a gay marriage ceremony, which has been done by Unitarian Universalist ministers for over 30 years. In addition to the ceremony, Dr. O’Connell signed an affidavit of marriage, which will testify that he believes the marriage ought to be considered legal. The affidavit was witnessed and notarized. This wedding was publicly celebrated to show solidarity with the brave couples, clergy and government officials who are calling for equal rights for all Americans. The public and congregation were invited to join in the celebration of Sally and Lesley. For more information, contact Susan Maginn at or 314-821-0911. Directions to Eliot Chapel. See also Gay Marriage sermon by Rev. Dr. Daniel O’Connell on October 20, 2002. From the Rev. Dr. Daniel O’Connell:In Life Without Principle (1863), Henry David Thoreau wrote: "Men will lie on their backs, talking about the fall of man, and never make an effort to get up. Let this church have at least gotten to its knees." I was reminded of this quote when a gay couple, Lesley Proud & Sally Nelson, came asking that we marry them and proclaiming that the minister determined the wedding was a legal marriage with all that this means. This is the difference between performing a wedding and solemnizing one. The former is purely a religious ceremony; the latter indicates the minister believes it ought to be considered a legal marriage. You may have seen in the news last week about three of my colleagues in New York, the Reverends Kay Greenleaf (Poughkeepsie, NY), Dawn Sangrey (Westchester, NY), and Marion Visel (Westport, CT) who had solemnized weddings in New Paltz, NY. [See Religious Leaders Support Civil Marriage Effort.] Or perhaps you’ve read about the UU clergy in Portland, OR who have also been solemnizing weddings for gay couples there. This Saturday (March 27, 2004), UU ministers from New York State, New Jersey, Connecticut, and other places will go to New York to solemnize more gay marriages. New York, unlike Missouri, does not have a Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) which prohibits gay marriage, so my solemnizing a gay marriage may not help bring the more than 1,000 benefits married couples get that non-married ones do not. The wedding on Saturday at 3 o’clock at Eliot Chapel will not be the first gay wedding here– I think we’ve averaged about 1 per year over the last 5 years or so– but it will hopefully raise consciousness about the inequities & prejudice mature, committed gay couples face every day by virtue of the fact that the local media has been alerted. Lesley and Sally invite your attendance. When Opportunity knocks or when the chance to make a difference for social justice comes, our initial inclination may be to say, Here am I, Lord; Send someone else. We may assist, or we may resist. I have had a very busy week, even without thinking about gay marriage. We have a lot going on at Eliot Chapel. I met and discussed the opportunity with some board members, with all of the ministers, and with my St Louis area clergy colleagues. It has not been a quick decision (even if it should have been). But I have decided to answer the call. It may be that folks will consider my actions "unwise and untimely." Some will undoubtedly consider it unintelligent or counter-productive. History will determine whether I made a wise or foolish choice, but it is my considered judgement that this is the right thing to do, and the right time to do it. From Our Board Chair:When our ministers were contemplating solemnizing marriages for same-sex couples, they contacted me and asked me whether the Board should take a vote to express the Board’s feelings on the subject. I told the ministers a vote was not necessary. I do not feel that it is the Board's business to tell a minister how he or she can exercise state-granted authority to solemnize marriages, or how to perform under his or her call to ministry. However, every comment I have heard from Board members has been supportive of our ministers. This is a little scary. Will we be embarrassed, either individually or as a congregation? Is this the way in which we want to call attention to ourselves? Are we up for a confrontation with those on the other side of this question? Is this what we meant by outreach??? I have to look at this moment as a great opportunity. We can be part of making a stand, an advance for human justice. We have a chance to walk our talk. I am very proud of our ministers for taking risks to their liberty, their popularity, and their pockets, and not being afraid to proclaim the right as they see it, no matter what the many may think. Let us give hearty and public congratulations to Lesley and Sally, and let us walk taller this weekend, because we have helped them to walk taller. UUrs, |
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