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Inside This Issue

Crucial Conversations
-- Rev. Bonnie Vegiard, Program Minister

Do you have a relationship in your life - any relationship at all - where a conversation needs to happen and hasn't? Sometimes the conversation is "hijacked" by anger or tears; sometimes it's prevented by stonewalling or rejection. Sometimes you simply can't bring yourself to open up the topic. This can happen at home with a spouse or children, at work with a boss or co-worker, in community events, with neighbors, or friends. It can even happen at church!

No matter how "good" we believe we are at communicating, I'm willing to bet that every one of you can think of at least one relationship where you consistently fail to have the conversation that is needed. Maybe you have a partial conversation, but never feel like you've really come to an understanding between you. The reality is that conversations that have some sort of emotional import to us are notoriously difficult. None of us is completely skilled in making them happen.

The good news is that participating in these conversations is a skill, and one that can be learned and practiced. When we are able to say what we need to say, and in a way others can hear, we tend to be happier, less anxious, more comfortable in our world and ourselves. But where are such skills taught?

Eliot's Constructive Engagement Team (Gary Gray, CJ Larkin, Roz Marx, Luis Ortiz, David Roundy, and Rev. Bonnie Vegiard) is going to offer workshops that introduce some basic concepts to succeed at Crucial Conversations. Although there are a variety of books out there that talk about these issues, we chose one called Crucial Conversations because of its clarity and readability. We'll be introducing the book in a workshop on Sun., Oct. 10, at 12:15 p.m. We will have some copies of the book available then, although it's easily available from any bookstore. Then, the Constructive Engagement team will offer a series of four workshops to talk in-depth about the concepts of the book, and give some time to practice new skills. These workshops will run on Thursdays, Oct. 28, Nov. 4, 11, and 18. We expect to run the workshop series again in the spring.

Skills in communicating under stress or in emotional moments will inevitably enhance our relationships. We're hoping these workshops will improve your life at home, work, and certainly here in our Eliot community. It is my continuing belief that our access to a sense of "meaning" in life, what some of us may call "the sacred," comes largely through healthy, open, mutually satisfying relationships. This is sacred work. May we engage in it together.

What Faith Are You?
-- Rev. Dr. Daniel Ó Connell, Lead Minister

beliefnet.com is a link that may help answer that question. From the site:

"Even if YOU don't know what faith you are, Belief-O-Matic knows. Answer 20 questions about your concept of God, the afterlife, human nature, and more, and Belief-O-Matic will tell you what religion (if any) you practice...or ought to consider practicing."

Belief.net is an internet site dedicated to a pretty easy-going look at American religion. I would say belief net is to religion as Popular Psychology is to psychology: intriguing titles, some hit-or-miss content, mostly "hit."

One of the things I find amusing about this process is that most UUs I know would take affront if someone else said, "I can tell you what religion you really are," much less by the answers to 20 questions. We don't like to get categorized. At the same time, if it is an impersonal quiz, we're more likely to give it a whirl, and perhaps grant the quiz some authority.

One of the more interesting uses of the beliefnet quiz is if you have a friend you think might benefit from a UU community. It can be difficult to just invite someone to church. How do you bring up the subject after all? "Gee, Lois, that's a great recipe for chicken cacciatore, but you should really come to church with me sometime?"

The beliefnet quiz can be a way to test out your perceptions. If Lois scores high as a UU, then you can tell her about Eliot; if she scores high as something else, at least she may learn something new about herself.

Many of our UU churches get someone coming through their doors several times a year, because they found the beliefnet quiz online, discovered that "Unitarian Universalism" fit them like a glove, and then had to research who and where we were, never thinking there was a religion like ours, perhaps in the next town over.

After people discover there's a faith that seems to fit "online," they can find out if the "real" faith fits, too!

Town Hall Meeting

Reminder: Please plan to attend the Town Hall meeting after second service on Oct. 17. Gay marriage is an expected subject, but all are invited to bring a topic of general interest. Share your views, and learn what's on the minds of others at Eliot.

Thank you, Don Sery!!
-- Helen McIntosh for the Social Action Committee

We all owe Don Sery a big thank you for his years of service. He has faithfully been delivering the items collected in the grocery basket in Adams Hall to Hosea House for us.

Now, we need someone to take his place. Hosea House, a food pantry operated by the Guardian Angel Settlement Association, provides emergency food assistance to those in need in its service area. It is located at 2635 Gravois, just a few blocks from the South Side Day Nursery. See the Meal-A-Month page on the Eliot web site for more information on this project.

Please contact the Social Action Committee if you are interested in helping to fill Don's shoes with this project.

Welcome, New Member!
-- Claire Robertson, Membership Chair

Judy Stucki-Simeon signed the Eliot membership book on Sep. 5. We extend a warm welcome to her!

An Eliot Quiz

What does it cost to operate Eliot Chapel for one day?

Answers:

1. $   367.98
2. $   501.12
3. $   872.12
4. $1,393.61

The correct answer is somewhere in this newsletter.

Lookin' Good

The improved appearance of the Eliot Chapel grounds is partly due to the recent volunteer efforts of the Building and Grounds Committee members Tom Gayer and Curt Kristofitz and Eliot Member Jerry Higginbotham. They have accomplished a variety of work such as tree and shrub trimming, trash pickup, weed removal, etc. We appreciate their efforts!

Fair Trade Coffee
-- Rosemarie Teng, Fair Trade Coffee Chair

The Fair Trade Coffee committee is selling coffee in Adams Hall after each service. Please stop by to place your order. The coffee will be delivered to you the following Sunday. Thank you for your support.

Welcome!
-- Larry Ross - February 15, 2004

Each Sunday, a member of the Eliot community delivers the Sunday Morning Welcome. They share a personal story about how they came to be at Eliot Chapel, or what is meaningful here for them, or how they are living their faith.

Our family came to Eliot not knowing what to expect. We really didn't appreciate Unitarian ideals, didn't have a Unitarian hidden in our family tree, didn't speak Unitarian, knew very little of other Unitarians. In short; were completely at a loss.

Our friends, the Altamiranos were members at Eliot and, when we moved to Kirkwood, thought it might be a good place for us to start. That was 20 years ago. Being both from the East Coast (Connecticut and New York) we appreciated the migration of Unitarianism from the original 13, since we also were migrants - strangers in a strange land.

I learned how to be a sensitive new age guy; taught religious education with Mark Rossow; hiked and camped at Bergfried with our family and friends; spoke in tongues (O.K., that's really not true); tried to speak Spanish (which is more likely) to my friend Luis Ortiz; learned how to cook camp chili from Charles Fremont; went bird watching with Scott Marshall; learned the art of singing from Tim Gardner and Steve Campbell (well, let's say I'm continuing on that journey); played music with Sara Reutter, Ted Lau, Rich Heuermann and Kathy Price (to name just a few); put budgets together and then took them apart; lost a few chili contests; and had one line in the last Madrigal performance: "Master, we are guests in the King's Hall."

Just think of what I can do for the next 20 years. Think of what you can do at Eliot. There are committees to join; tables to man; songs to sing; people to meet; people to help; people to help you; folks to make you laugh, cry, be deep or be light, sacred or sacrilegious; sign-ups; library books to read; calendars to buy; camping, hiking; items to auction, and then there's always coffee. Let's not forget sermons to contemplate, spiritual homework, hymns to sing, wonderful music to listen to. I have to take a nap just thinking about all of this.

Stay awhile. It can be a life experience.

Art 4 U

The Art 4 U committee presents Mary Mohl as its featured artist for the month of October. Quilts and sewn art by the artist will be displayed in Adams Hall. November artist for the month will be Karen Mills with paper weavings and other art. A poster with information on each artist will be displayed in Adams Hall during the exhibit.

Meacham Park Ministry

The fundraising committee for the Meacham Park Ministry is proud to announce that the total donation from Blue Water Grill for our three "dining out" events this summer was $274.65. We appreciate your participation, and will be exploring other simple and fun ways to continue our donations to Meacham Park! You may submit any ideas to Ellen Adkins .

Our Sympathy ...

To Sue and Clint Blandford and their family on the death of Sue's father.

[To Rev. Dr. Daniel Ó Connell and Rev. Bonnie Vegiard, and their family on the death of Daniel's mother.]

Lend a Hand
-- Larry Ross, Stewardship Committee Chair

The Stewardship Committee is seeking those who wish to participate in various fund raising activities for Eliot Chapel. Please respond directly to . We need your support.

Calling All Techies

The Music Committee continues to look for people willing to monitor the sound system during church services. We have the beginnings of a team, but need more people to cover the 80+ services ahead of us this year. A training tape and handbook are available. Mary Taylor will show the tape in the Music Room on Sat., Oct. 2 at 10:30 a.m. and Sun., Oct. 3 after the second service. We will soon have a second tape that can be checked out of the church library. This job is not difficult. It is a chance to learn to use Eliot's soundboard, amplification equipment, and a few other gadgets. Once you have the training, please volunteer your services by adding your name to the sign-up sheets on the left in the hall outside Adams Hall. Don't be afraid to pick a date that might go bad for you; we can provide substitutes. Questions? Contact Mary Taylor.

RATI Reminders
-- Bill Clarke

Room At The Inn provides emergency shelter at Eliot Chapel for up to 10 women and children every Thursday night except the 4th Thursday of the month.

On Sat., Oct. 16 , there will be a Trivia Night fund-raiser for Room at The Inn at the First Presbyterian Church of Ferguson. The cost is $10 per person. Contact Bill or Joan Clarke to make a reservation.

Raffle tickets will go on sale Oct. 3 after each service at the RATI Sign-up table in Adams Hall. The tickets are $1.00 each (6 for $5) for a chance to win one of 24 baskets of goodies.

Sign-up sheets for Hosting, Cooking and doing Laundry for October and November are on bulletin board outside Adams Hall.

We need a Driver Coordinator. Please consider sharing in the organizing of the drivers on Thursday evenings and Friday mornings. You would do this every other month; RATI is not here on the fourth Thursday of the month.

Finally, additional driving volunteers are welcome. You pick up our guests at the day site in Bridgeton at 4:30 or 5:00 p.m. on Thursday and bring them to Eliot Chapel to spend the night. And/or pick our guests up on Friday morning at 6:30 a.m. and transport them back to the day site. Call Bill or Joan to volunteer to be on the list.

Artistic Individuals
Please Step Forward

We need some artistic members/friends to help layout and design the Annual Pledge brochure. Please contact the Stewardship Committee at .

New "U" - Your Questions Answered

Your questions about Unitarian Universalism and the meaning of Eliot Chapel for you will be answered in this introductory class. Ministers, lay members, and you will share thoughts and information. Your questions are an important part of the experience. New "U" is particularly interesting and helpful to those who may seek more involvement and membership in Eliot Chapel.

The first New "U" class is offered on Sat., Nov. 6 from 9:00 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. (Please note that the Oct. 2 class, announced earlier, was cancelled.) Lunch and refreshments will be provided. Please register in Visitors' Corner or through the office at (314) 821-0911. Childcare may be available if requested two weeks in advance.

This class will also be offered on Jan. 22, and Mar. 5.

Get Involved at Eliot

On Oct. 3, after each service, we will have an opportunity for our community to find out what the Eliot committees are doing. Many of our committees will be present in Adams Hall with information about their work, and an invitation to join a committee or project. We invite you to this special coffee hour with tasty treats to tempt you into Eliot involvement.

Friends of Music Concert

Friends Of Music concert on Sun., Oct. 3, 3:00 p.m. in the sanctuary, with English and Italian music for lute and Italian music, English and continental lute songs, and Brahms' Piano Quartet in G minor. For further information, contact .

Sacred Texts Discussion Group

Come and join in on discussions that will explore the content of the primary texts of the world's great religions. We will meet on Mondays at 7:00 p.m. in Adams Hall. Please note that this is not an overview of the religions. Everyone is welcome; call Joy at (314) 821-0911 to register.

• Oct. 4 - The Torah and the Talmud, Rabbi Amy Bigman
• Oct. 18 - The Koran, Gulten Ilham
• Oct. 25 - The Bahadva Gita, Dr. Vijaya Kumar

Family Weekend at Bergfried!

The Bergfried Committee has been busy with the newly acquired house. The water service has been restored and the water is being tested for purity and potablity.

We are working on the "punch list" of repairs to the building. As soon as the Board agrees it is ready for use, the congregation will be notified.

For Family Weekend, Oct. 9 to 11, the Committee is sponsoring a bus to take people from Eliot's campus to Bergfried and return. The cost is $10 per person, payable in advance. See us at the Bergfried table at the Committee Fair on Oct. 3 with additional information on the bus and to make your bus reservation.

All are welcome to visit the property. For more details please feel free to contact Gene Hutchins at .

Welcoming Congregation

There is still time to join the Welcoming Congregation workshops. The first workshop was held on Sep. 12. New participants are welcome and encouraged to join.. The Welcoming Congregation is an opportunity to see our faith in action. During the first workshop, participants discussed their assumptions about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and/or transgendered people. The workshop provided a safe environment for the exchange of ideas and knowledge. As we found during the first workshop, no matter whether you participate as a gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual or transgendered person, you will certainly learn more about yourself and others. Self-discovery is one aspect of the workshop series. Compassion and understanding are also part of the final result of a church's becoming a Welcoming Congregation.

The Welcoming Congregation Forum is hopeful that we will see new participants at the upcoming workshops. Refreshments will be provided. Childcare will be available if requested two weeks in advance. Workshops are held in Adams Hall from 6:00 - 9:00 p.m.

• Oct. 10 - What We Know and How We Learned It
• Nov. 14 - The Common Elements of Oppression

Hayride

Mix a chill in the air with a starry sky. Add fresh hay, a wagon, good friends, and you have the ingredients for a fun evening. The FUN Committee invites all to attend our 2nd annual hayride in Forest Park on Fri., Oct. 15. Arrive at 6:30 p.m. Our wagons (we've reserved 2 this year!) will depart promptly at 7:00 p.m. Afterward, hang around for the bonfire. We'll roast hot dogs and marshmallows and drink hot cider. Guitarists are encouraged to bring their guitars for a sing along. Cost is $5.00 per person. Please sign up in the hallway outside Adams Hall. Make checks payable to Eliot Chapel - Hayride. For further information, contact Jerry Messer or Lydia Hopkins.

Were You Planning to Attend???
-- Steven and Patrice Bain

The bonfire at the Bains' house in the Illinois woods is Oct. 16, 8:00 p.m. - until ???. The list of those who bid for an invitation at the Chapel auction has been lost! Please RSVP to letting us know how many will attend, and we'll send directions. If you know of anyone else who bid, please alert him or her that they must let us know who they are. If you didn't bid, please come anyhow--RSVP to us and commit to a $10/person donation to the auction fund. Ages 12 and up are welcome. Good snacks, beverages, sounds, smells, and fellowship. Bring guitars!

Calendar Sale

Once again, the Library Committee will be offering calendars for sale Oct. 17 and 24 after each service. The calendars for sale are a selection of 2005 calendars from a well-known bookstore. The difference is that you pay no sales tax and 25% goes to your (DuBois and Barbara Nutt) EUC Libraries. Popular favorites are offered and special requests taken. Calendars make great gifts! If you'd like to make requests early, contact Mary Lu Durbin.

Eliot Hiking Schedule 2004-2005

• Oct. 16, 8:00 a.m. Little Grand Canyon, IL Led by the Mohls (2 hr. drive)
• Nov. 13, 9:00 a.m. Meramec State Park led by Jerry Messer (1 hr. drive)
• Dec. 11, 10:00 a.m. Greensfelder Park led by Sue Blandford (20 min. drive)
• Jan. 15, 10:00 a.m. Shaw Nature Reserve leader TBA (30 min. drive)
• Feb. 19, 9:00 a.m. Chubb Trail led by Steve Lewis (30 min. drive)
• Mar. 19, 9:00 a.m. Lewis & Clark Trail led by Ellen Ciesla (30 min. drive)
• Apr. 16, 9:00 a.m. Hawn State Park led by Peggy Douglas
• May ? Bike trip TBA

UU Parenting

Do you have questions about raising your child (0-18) within a UU perspective? We are a group of parents helping each other answer the difficult questions our children may ask. Our next meeting will feature a member of the Welcoming Committee providing suggestions on how to talk to our children about Eliot becoming a Welcoming Congregation. It will be Sun., Oct. 17, 7:00 p.m., at the home of Hilary Babcock. Please contact Hilary or Tracey Howe-Koch if you have any questions. See you there!

Jazz Concert

The Social Action Committee and Olive Chapel A.M.E. Church will co-sponsor a benefit to raise funds to assist in the effort to restore Quinette Cemetery. This site, on Big Bend in Kirkwood, was a slave burial ground and is on the National Historic Register. The concert will feature the 17 member Jazz Edge Orchestra and female vocalist at Eliot on Sun., Oct. 17 at 4:00 p.m.

Tickets are $15.00 and will be sold in Adams Hall on Oct. 10 and 17. Students are admitted free. For more information, contact George Davis.

Marriage Enrichment

On Sat., Oct. 23, 2004, Marriage Enrichment is offering a one-day "Basic Communications Workshop" at Eliot Chapel, facilitated by Bruce and Trish Williams. To learn more about the Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment (ACME) you are invited to an information meeting on Thu., Sep. 30, at 7:00 p.m. at Eliot. You may also email Bruce or Trish at for more information.

Women's Alliance

The Women's Alliance meets on the first, third, and fourth Tuesdays of the month at 9:30 to 11:45 a.m. in Adams Hall, unless otherwise noted.

Tues., Oct. 5 - An Hour Before Daylight: Memories of a Rural Boyhood by Jimmy Carter. Leader, Mary Lu Durbin.

Tue., Oct. 19 - Pro Vote. Leader - John Hickey. Coordinator - Jinny Gender

Tue., Oct. 26 - Wagon tour of Shaw Nature Reserve - wildflower viewing. Leader - Lisa Nansteel. Coordinator - Janie Fowler

Religious Education News
-- Joan Casey, RE Director,

As we ease into October, it seems we are all getting the hang of the Children's Chapel and class changes that were implemented this year. We appreciate everyone being so willing to try new things with us! Please let Reverend Bonnie or me know what you think and we'll be happy to pass on any feedback to the Curriculum Committee.

To our Secret Pal children & adults - don't forget to contact each other regularly. You can do it via small gifts and notes at the Secret Pals table in Adams Hall each Sunday and by email or letters. Tell each other a little about yourselves (especially the adults, since you are a mystery to your child). Plan what you'll wear to the Halloween Party (costumes are strongly encouraged). Just remember to limit your spending to about $10 total. Children need to be sure to reciprocate. And especially remember to mark your calendar for the super party on Fri., Oct. 29 from 6:30 - 8:30 pm. We have lots of fun in store for you; we can't wait to see you there!

Music Notes
-- Jan Chamberlin, Music Director,

Sopranos are needed for both the Chamber Choir at 9:15 a.m. and the Chorale at 10:45 a.m. Altos are needed for the Chamber Choir. We sing a wide variety of music. If you'd like to get involved at Eliot Chapel in a purposeful way, try singing with us!

The Children's Chalice Choir is off to a good start; it's not too late to join. The Chalice Choir is open to all first-through sixth graders and meets between the services in the Music Room. Jan Chamberlin and Allison Hendrix lead the choir.

The Music Committee is sponsoring a guitar concert featuring Andrej Menchukoff on Fri., Oct. 8, at 8:00 p.m. at Eliot. Admission is $8.00 at the door, to benefit Eliot Chapel. Mr. Menchukoff, originally from Russia, is a UU, an international recording artist, and a professor of classical guitar in Ohio. He has an engaging personality and will offer a very entertaining evening of guitar music.

Rx for Scrip!

For those of you who get prescriptions filled at Schnucks, Dierberg's, or Shop N Save, just a reminder that scrip may be used for those purchases, as well as for all grocery items. For some of us, the cost of medicine is a significant expense - if 5% of that cost helps Eliot, perhaps that will ease the pain somewhat.

Additional reminders:

• Eliot Chapel buys scrip at a discount, and earns 5% of the value of your scrip purchases; you get face value in purchases.
• The mail order scrip program is up and running; see the Sep. 4 newsletter for details.
• Whole Foods scrip is now available.

Answer to Quiz:
The correct answer is $1,393.61. We spent $508,667.80 last year to provide you with the programs you desire.

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