HOME
SUNDAY SCHEDULE
NEWSLETTER
CALENDAR
DIRECTIONS
LEADERSHIP
PROGRAMS
OUR BELIEFS
SERMONS
ABOUT US
CONTACT US

As of this moment, same sex marriages are not legal anywhere in the United States. Committed gay or lesbian couples cannot get a marriage license or file a joint tax return.

Some people have said that gay marriage is amoral or that it debases "normal" heterosexual marriage. A few years back, Congress even passed and President Clinton signed a "defense of marriage" act designed to prevent or curtail recognition of same sex marriage. "It's not natural," some say, meaning same-sex love. "It's perverted, gays are going to hell," we are told.

But we know that times change, that what the larger culture approves or condemns, changes with time. We know that 30 years ago in some southern states it was against the law for a black woman to marry a white man. Today, we think it is normal for consenting adults of different races or ethnicity to marry each other.

It took men and women of good will to bring about this change- it didn't just happen overnight. It took men and women of good will, whether conservative or liberal, Christian or Jew or Unitarian or Universalist, and others, to go out and speak for justice. To publicly engage those who would say blacks and whites couldn't marry.

In our day, we hear most loudly, not those who seek to make gay marriage available. Instead, we hear the far right pushing homophobia with sayings like "no tears for queers," or who insist gays and lesbians could change their sexual orientation, if only they chose to.

They encourage hate crimes by talk of "waging war against homosexuality" and they justify hatred on questionable biblical interpretation.

Remember: 200 years ago, "good" Christians kept slaves and they pointed to biblical passages that condoned slavery. It used to be that women were forbidden to teach men, wear gold or pearls, or dress in men's clothing, and men were forbidden from shaving.

Let's remember that Jesus never said anything about homosexuality but had quite a bit to say about loving God and loving one's neighbor. Let's remember we can find 12 prohibitions against homosexual behavior, mostly for ritualistic reasons, and 300 against heterosexual behavior.

We Unitarian Universalists can take some comfort in our denominational stance on affirming gays and lesbians. We can give ourselves a small hug for our efforts.

Almost 30 years ago we affirmed the rights of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals as equal partners in our society. We followed that up with our About Your Sexuality program for teens which portrayed homosexuality as a "normal"orientation. That was a pretty radical approach at the time.

Then as now, some of us were uncomfortable with our being identified as a church that supported lesbians and gays.

Almost 25 years ago the Office of Gay and Lesbian Concerns was established at the UUA in Boston. This was followed by a denominational condemnation of bigotry against gays and lesbians, and a call for an end to homophobic discrimination.

About 20 years ago, we called for an end to discrimination against gay and lesbian ministers and 4 years later we went on record supporting same-sex unions, and the right of ministers to conduct them.

Ten years ago, the Welcoming Congregation program began. This is a church-wide program which I hope we, as a church community, can undergo in the next year.

Six years ago, I was in Indianapolis, Indiana for the UUA General Assembly. There came a dramatic moment at the convention. The president of the UUA, the Rev. John Buehrens, stood up to lead the debate of a resolution affirming same-sex marriages. He invited every same-sex couple up to the stage.

Some two thousand plus people roared their approval, as dozens of couples took the stage, and the resolution passed overwhelmingly. Once again, we took the side of love and justice, once again, we stood up and made ourselves be public with our beliefs as a way of encouraging others in their struggles.

That day, as in many other days, we honored our fundamental principles: the inherent worth and dignity of every person; the commitment to justice, equity and compassion in human relations; the acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth.

That day I remembered my commitment to love and justice. I remembered all the weddings I had performed. What greater thing is there than people who love each other and choose to commit their life to one another?

For most of us, this is the biggest and greatest commitment we will ever make. It will astonish us and energize us and we will be challenged to abandon the weakness we have come to love and to affirm the gifts we are afraid to claim.

Marriage isn't for everyone, but it ought to be available to consenting adults who are ready to make a commitment.

Some single people, whether gay or straight, have access to recognition of their "domestic partnership." This gives them employment benefits if they work for certain large corporations (Kodak, Xerox, Disney, etc) and certain local governments.

But "domestic partners" have no economic rights for mutual support. Sometimes "domestic partners" are not admitted to visit their beloved dying in a hospital because they aren't "family."

We know that marriage is a bigger commitment than a "domestic partnership" and if we're serious about promoting families, we need to promote marriage.

If we're serious about equal rights for gays and lesbians, we can't simply lump them in with straight people who don't want to get married, who choose domestic partnership over marriage. That is not enough. We are called to do more. We heteros are called to provide lesbians and gays the same choices we have about marriage.

When I was working on this sermon, it suddenly occurred to me: I've been thinking about same sex marriage from the point of view that it is only the doubtful or only those on the religious right who would oppose gay marriage. But what about gays and lesbians themselves? Maybe many of them don't think marriage is the right way to go...

What about the idea that marriage is problematic from a gay and lesbian point of view? Here's the writer Tess Ayers on this idea:

Does the pursuit of marriage reduce lesbians and gays to little more than heterosexual wanna-bes? And anyway, isn't "gay marriage" the ultimate oxymoron- a contradiction in terms? To some, the combination of these two words might seem odd. "Gay" has a contemporary ring to it, like some postmodern idea- though of course it's not; and marriage sounds so traditional and stodgy, something that lesbians and gays wouldn't really want to get into. And as a heterosexual institution, isn't marriage under attack from all sides?

She points out that the institution of marriage sometimes implies ownership. She points to the 50% divorce rate, and wonders if marriage is a good model for lesbians and gays. But she acknowledges that just granting lesbians and gay the right to marry does not mean they'll lower their standards.

Still, if gays and lesbians have been condemned for centuries, why would they want to participate in a tradition that has called them criminals? If gays and lesbians marry, are they supporting traditional heterosexism? Perhaps lesbians and gays should avoid marriage and encourage more diversity in relationships. If movie stars live together and have kids without getting married, why can't lesbians and gays?

But despite all that, there are good reasons for lesbians and gays to marry.

For one thing, marriage offers a road to complete equality. Gays and straights alike ought to be allowed the possibility of getting married. That doesn't mean anyone has to get married: marriage is not for everyone, but- hear me now - until lesbians and gays have the same legal relationship rights as heterosexuals, lesbians and gays will always be 2nd class citizens.

Ayers writes: "by denying same-sex couples the choice to legally wed, society is encouraging those relationships to be undeveloped and insecure."

So we deny gays and lesbians the social sanction of marriage, and thereby encourage their relationships to be undeveloped and insecure. Then we point to the stereotype of how undeveloped and insecure gay and lesbian relationships are as a reason to deny them the opportunity of marriage!

If we do make gay marriage legal, how many people might be eligible? The US Census doesn't count this way, but estimates of the number of households in this country with couples of the same sex range all the way from 1.6 to 6 million.

And over half of all lesbians and almost 40% of gay men share a household with a partner. Did you know that? That 40% of gay men share a household with a partner?

This figure surprises some people, I know it surprised me. It made me realize some stereotypes weren't true.

I remember two jokes about these stereotype, that lesbians were all about relationships and gay men were all about no relationships. It went along like this:

(Q) What does a lesbian bring on a second date? (Ans) A moving van. And (Q) what's the definition of a long-term gay relationship? (Ans) Picking up the same guy two nights in a row.

But even stereotypes change. As Harvey Fierstien put it: "gay liberation should not be a license to be a perpetual adolescent. If you deny yourself commitment, then what can you do with your life?" If you deny yourself commitment, then what can you do with your life?

After decades of "free love for the moment" in the straight world, marriage has made a comeback, commitment has made a comeback, and this is true too, for the lesbian and gay world.

Lesbians and gays want what we all want: someone to love and to be loved by. They want children (or not), they want a home stable enough to have room for spiritual growth.

For all these reasons, some gays and lesbians have gotten up the courage to march out of the closet and down the aisle.

I think a wedding is a natural human ritual. We have ritual for the naming and dedication of a child. We have a ritual for coming of age for our youth, for graduating high school and college, for blessing a new home. We have rituals for burying a pet, for retirement from a career, for sickness and for death.

Out of all the rituals that I do as a parish minister, a wedding is the ritual most charged up with hope and joy, most emotionally laden with promise and anticipation. George Eliot has written:

What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life, to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent, unspoken memories at the moment of the last parting?

Such poetry often becomes part of the weddings I officiate. But while same sex weddings have the blessings of various clergy: Unitarian Universalist, some Methodist, some Episcopalian, some Lutheran, some Disciples of Christ, and so forth, same sex weddings are not recognized by the state. That is to say, they are not recognized by the secular world, what some might call the "real world" and that, my friends is a religious issue.

Gays and lesbians are a minority and need the help and blessings of the rest of us. Think back now, think for a moment of the broad sweep of history. Remember, it was women and men of goodwill who worked to give the vote to women and African-Americans, reformed prisons and cleaned up mental institutions, and pressed for civil rights, along with many other things we take for granted now, but were hard-won in their day. It was men and women of hope and courage who did that then in their day.

And it will be men and women of good will who give lesbians and gays the opportunity to publicly marry. Will you join them?

Tricky isn't it, wanting to live your values, wanting to walk your talk. If it was easy, we might not need each other, we might not need church so much. But taking a stand, means risking being seen as different. What are we to gain?

Let us remember that the future and our own children will ask some questions one day. One day, they will seek to learn whether we stood by, complacent but irritable at social change or whether we stood up, and took a stand for love and justice: even when it might have been unpopular, even when there was no gain for ourselves.

Years from now, you might hear the question: What did you do mommy? What did you do daddy? to help gay and lesbian people get the right to marry?

It can be especially impressive when we give of ourselves, when we make a sacrifice, for no possible gain to ourselves. Think about what a radical act that is!

When we offer our individual voice to those who seek love and justice for those who are denied it, we form an increasing chorus. When shall we sing?

Now is the time to say we want to celebrate a committed, mature, adult love, gay or straight. Now is the time to risk standing up and being counted for what matters; to risk helping other people find happiness, to go out on a limb for goodness and mercy.

Go out on a limb, Reverend? You may ask yourself? How far? How thin is that limb? What are you asking me to do?

I am asking you to put on that little rainbow ribbon handed to you with your order of service. I am asking you to read the pledge on the back of the little card that has the ribbon on it, and see if it is something that your faith matches up with. I am asking you to go public with your faith.

I am asking you to wear that ribbon outside of this sanctuary where other people might see it. I know this is a lot to ask. It is too much to ask for many of you, maybe most of you.

When a preacher or your own child or someone you know or don't know asks you to live your faith- out loud- well, then you have a decision to make, don't' you?

Under what conditions will you go public with your beliefs? If you are unwilling to go public with your beliefs, then you are a person who lives in fear. I understand that fear. I feel it too.

Does any fear creep in to your heart when I ask if you are willing to be spotted in a supermarket with a button that says "I support gay marriage"? What if you wore such a button to a big family reunion holiday dinner? What if you wore such a button to work?

Some of you might get fired if you wore such a button to work, or if you didn't get fired, you'd lose a contract or something else. So maybe not to work, but what about to the supermarket? Could you wear a rainbow flag on your shirt to the supermarket?

What will other people think? You know what they might think. They might think you are gay or lesbian. They might think you are some sort of radical: not normal, not safe.

On the other hand, they might think you have some backbone. They might admire you for being gutsy, for taking a stand, for helping make history. You might make them think or rethink their own position! You might help change the world, by making one more person think this through.

(1) I encourage you to write to our political representatives in Jefferson City and tell them our state should affirm marriage: gay and straight.

(2) I encourage you to think about being public with your beliefs, to dare to speak truth to power, to dare to do the right thing, to dare to help someone else out when there is no apparent benefit to yourself, only because it's the right thing to do.

Our children will be proud, you will know you have made a difference. What more is there?

Amen

 Home   Sunday Schedule   Newsletter   Calendar   Directions   Leadership   Programs   Our Beliefs   Sermons   About Us   Contact Us